Showing posts with label learning to not be judgemental. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning to not be judgemental. Show all posts

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Forgiveness, then reconcilliation. Next, resolution

An incident occurred a while back about how a friend reacted with another friend's response to an event. While both of them were striving to do what is right, and none of them sees themselves in the wrong, I guess the goal wouldn't be to point out who is right or wrong. Not to figure out who is more wrong either.

Wouldn't it be wiser to look at whether I can be more Christlike-thus be more merciful?

Because the goal isn't to be more right, rather to be more Christlike. That's why we strive to do what is right in the 1st place!

So we may have forgiveness.. Reconciliation may take place; but resolution... None whatsoever. Will life necessarily always turn out to be better when resolution happens? I guess it depends...

Lesson learnt! :) BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Monday, May 30, 2011

Discussing about the rules of engagement

Never realized the day would come for me to have a set of rules of engagement in the course of my marriage. I always see it as a form of legalism which marriage and love should be able to conquer.

Nonetheless, imperfect as we are, selfish as our hearts would be, we have no choice but to discuss and came to this conclusion; In order to allow and help each other to be better communicators and partners, we need to have some set of rules to allow for vulnerability..

And so we set some of ours:
1) when one talk to share our feelings, just listen and don't try to defend.
2) when we want to speak, we ask if it's ok for us to speak.
BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Understanding conflicts in communication

Learnt about whenever there are conflicts and problems, we need to first identify whether:

1. Is it a communication problem?
2. Is it a character issue reflected by historical evidences? In short, does similar thing like this happen before?
3. Does it happen a lot?

Key:
1. Learn to bring things up without creating or initiating conflicts.
2. Give space for growth. I think the only way we can learn to improve communication would be to make small and short mistakes for growth. BlogBooster-The most productive way for mobile blogging. BlogBooster is a multi-service blog editor for iPhone, Android, WebOs and your desktop

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Learning to be human in a socially-degenerative society

"We (the first-world people) learn to be more friendly, yet we became less human.
They (the third-world people) have to learn to be more polite, yet their simplicity (raw-ness) makes them more... in-touch."

"We ought to view things/stuff with a pinch of salt!"

"We got to be more critical in the way we look at things, so as to not to be deceived or taken advantage of."

"Never look at the surface value of things, be as shrewd as a viper, but as innocent as a dove."

Question in all of these.... "Where do we strike a balance in being 'street-smart' vs. being compassionate?" Or are they suppose to be separate issues altogether?

==== side thoughts ====
Some opportunities are given to us, while some are created. Whilst opportunities may not be used/taken, do we still feel or search for these 'thoughts' or 'feelings'.
===================

I was in the MRT on my way back home from the Airport this afternoon. (Singapore Taxi's are getting more expensive these days, especially those leaving from the airport...) And a chance came upon me to grab a seat after having to stand for many stops/stations.

While I was sitting down, with my luggage, bag, and box around me, I saw an elderly man. Struggling to keep his back straight, carrying some groceries, 10 feet away from me. And I wonder... Should I give up my seat, creating more trouble with the people around me as the train was packed, or should I just sit down and wait for people to give up their seat for the old man. Either way, I guess the least I could do is to pray for the old man and having my prayers answered instantaneously, the old man exitted the train door and my conscience was relieved.

In the back of my head, I realized one thing... It's one thing to not give when there is no way one could give, it's another thing to not even bother/see/consider the fact that one ought to give in a situation where giving is called for. (Is this a state of apathy?)

Considering there were others around me, young, not so old, and old... who saw what I have seen... Surely some thoughts would have crossed their minds....

-Flashback-
While walking down the street of Guang Zhou 2 days ago, Dad, Brother and I came across several beggars. 2 of which, my Dad commented...
"That man wanted 10-RMB to buy a bus ticket home", "That girl wanted 1-RMB to make a phone call home." My Dad wanted my brother to give them something, however, my brother refused to give. I was bewildered. On one hand, do these people deserve our compassion because they genuinely need it, or am I simply being foolish in feeling compassionate for them.
-End of Flashback-

Question that always bugs me, bugged me again... Am I being too hard-hearted? Surely not, considering I still felt something for these people. Back in Singapore, people can be so 'courteous' and 'nice' on the outside. Smile whenever we meet strangers, say 'thank-you', 'welcome', and 'excuse-me' at all the right places/time... Yet our heart can no longer feel for people or spare a thought for others for the fear of guilt and inability to get out of comfort...or is it simply entitlement...

Of course in saying this, I am not generalizing that there are no kind-souls in the city. However, does being first-world puts us back to where we were before in relation to understanding what it means to suffer together and learning to care for one another like what happened in our parents and grand-parents generation... I guess that's why we need the poor and needy as much as they need us...
"To help us remind ourselves that at the end of the day, we're all human beings."

==== another random side thoughts ====
If I were to re-do the New York City Subs, I will instill a change for people to NOT EAT NOR DRINK NOR CHEW GUMS. I will make better facilities, even booking system for basking and performers, and encourage new faces and talents to spring up from the undeground...

I believe China is yet to be ready for such a change, even though the facilities are more than available. The generation is yet to be ready to accept such a change.

But the New Yorker... or a fellow Singaporean, is far more than being ready, it's as though our society needs it.
================================

Reflections:
While I was day-dreaming in China, I fell upon this thought of achieving the great! Yet when it dawned upon me the reality and circumstance I am in, I realized that it's not up to me to decide who goes from good to great... (I guess I need to be reminded with the learning to be surrendered.)

Hey, talking about being human... Part of a character of a human being that we all ought to embrace... realizing that we can only do 'this-much' and the rest is up to God!